A Kiss Is Not Just A Kiss When It Comes To Stress Relief
We’ve all heard the old saying “A Kiss is Just a Kiss” — well when it comes to stress relief, not so fast. According to relationship expert and researcher Dr. John Gottman, a 6-second kiss or a 20-second hug is significantly different than any old kiss or hug.
Gottman’s research shows that when a kiss lasts at least 6 seconds or a hug lasts at least 20 seconds this is sufficient time to stimulate oxytocin. OK, what’s the big deal with oxytocin? Oxytocin is a hormone that is released by mammals in response to soothing touch. Oxytocin promotes bonding, trust, and safety.
What if you don’t have a partner or loved one nearby? Hug yourself or put your hand over your heart. Dr. Kristin Neff, researcher and Self-Compassion pioneer writes that we can activate oxytocin and endorphins by our own soothing touch. Whether we touch a loved one or ourselves, oxytocin is released. In addition to this oxytocin bonus, we also activate the calming branch of our nervous system, so that we are more open and relaxed.
Oxytocin not only promotes bonding and trust, it is also the antidote to the stress hormone, cortisol. We know that long-term exposure to cortisol can lead to increased inflammation in the body which can cause a broad range of problems including mental health disorders, metabolic syndrome, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and increased susceptibility to infections.
What are you waiting for? Give yourself or someone you care about a hug and let the stress relieving chemistry work its magic.
If you would like professional support with stress relief or to learn more, please click below:
Citations:
Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. S. (2022). The love prescription: Seven days to more intimacy, connection, and joy (Vol. 1). Penguin.
Neff, K. (2021). Fierce self-compassion: How women can harness kindness to speak up, claim their power, and thrive. Penguin.
Russell, G., Lightman, S. The human stress response. Nat Rev Endocrinol 15, 525–534 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41574-019-0228-0