How Self-Talk Can Reduce Stress and Anxiety
Key Takeaways
- Emotionally distanced self-talk reduces stress and anxiety.
- Self-talk improves focus, performance, and resilience.
- Compassionate self-talk lowers self-criticism and builds confidence.
What if the way you talk to yourself could help you reduce stress and anxiety in the moment? Research shows that self-talk isn’t just background mental chatter—it can shape how you feel, think, and respond under pressure. By making small, intentional shifts in the way you speak to yourself, you can calm anxious thoughts, steady your emotions, and tap into resilience when life feels overwhelming. With just a few simple words, self-talk becomes a practical tool for finding calm and confidence right when you need it most.
What is Emotionally Distanced Self-Talk?
One of the most effective forms of self-talk is called emotionally distanced self-talk. Instead of speaking to yourself in the first person—“I feel anxious” or “I can’t do this”—you use your own name or “you.” For example:
Instead of:
“I feel nervous about my presentation.”
Try:
“Ben, you can handle this.”
This small change signals to your brain that you are viewing the situation from an outside perspective, much like you would when encouraging a friend. By creating this shift in perspective, you reduce emotional reactivity in the brain, making it easier to stay calm, think clearly, and respond thoughtfully—even in stressful situations.
The Science Behind Using Self-Talk to Reduce Stress and Anxiety
Why does this small shift in language matter so much? Neuroscience research shows that emotionally distanced self-talk changes the way the brain processes stressful situations. Instead of triggering the areas linked to emotional overwhelm, it activates regions associated with reasoning and self-control. This shift makes it easier to manage stressful moments without becoming overwhelmed.
In fact, studies led by Ethan Kross, PhD, found that people who practiced this technique were not only able to reduce stress more quickly but also performed better in challenging situations, and made stronger first impressions. Regular use of this practice strengthens emotional regulation, helping you stay grounded and resilient—even when life throws a challenge your way.
How Self-Talk Improves Focus and Motivation
Stress and anxiety can make it harder to concentrate, pulling your attention away from what is most important in the moment. Self-talk helps you refocus, allowing you to direct your energy toward your goals. By using supportive phrases with your name or “you,” you remind yourself to stay centered and keep moving forward.
While this can be helpful in daily life, it’s also a technique that athletes, performers, and professionals rely on in moments of pressure. Research shows that distanced self-talk enhances performance by helping you stay steady and task-oriented under pressure. The more you use this approach, the easier it becomes to stay motivated when challenges arise.
Self-Talk as a Tool for Self-Compassion
Self-talk isn’t just about getting through stressful moments—it’s also a helpful way to practice motivating yourself with kindness. Many people are quick to offer compassion to a struggling friend but have difficulty extending that same care toward themselves. Talking to yourself with your name or “you” can help bridge this gap, allowing you to support yourself the way you would a good friend.
When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and flip the script:
Instead of:
“Ugh, I can’t believe I messed up.”
Try:
“You’re learning, and it’s okay to make mistakes, Alex.”
This shift promotes self-compassion, which research by Kristin Neff, PhD, has shown to be strongly linked with lower anxiety, improved emotional balance, and greater resilience. By making self-talk a regular habit, you’re not only calming stress in the moment but also building a kinder, more supportive relationship with yourself.
Try This Quick Self-Talk Exercise
The next time you feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed, pause for a moment and shift the way you talk to yourself. Instead of using “I,” replace it with your name or “you.”
Instead of:
“What if I fail?”
Try:
“Olivia, you’ve prepared for this—you’re ready to handle it.”
This simple adjustment creates the emotional distance needed to calm your body and refocus your mind. Even just a few sentences of emotionally distanced self-talk can quickly lower stress and anxiety, helping you feel more grounded and confident in the moment. Over time, this technique can become a reliable tool you can use anytime, anywhere—whether at work, home, or in social situations.
You’ve Got This
When stress or anxiety starts to rise, remember you can shift the way you talk to yourself. By shifting from “I” to your name or “you,” you give yourself space to steady your mind and respond with confidence. You’ve faced challenges before and worked your way through—and you can do it again.
If you would like professional support with anxiety and/or stress symptoms, or to learn more, please click below:
Therapist Bio
Cari Browning, RN, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and founder of Resilience Focused Therapy in Walnut Creek, CA. Dually trained as both a nurse and psychotherapist, she brings a whole-person, mind-body perspective to her work—supporting both mental and physical health. Cari specializes in helping adults, couples, and teens navigate anxiety, stress, trauma, and relationship challenges with evidence-based approaches, including EMDR, DBT, and the Gottman Method. She is passionate about blending science-backed strategies with compassionate care to help clients feel more confident, resilient, and connected.
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References:
Kross, E. (2021). Chatter: The voice in our head, why it matters, and how to harness it. Crown.