Self-Talk Matters When it Comes to Stress

What if I told you the way you speak to yourself could actually help you during times of stress? It turns out that how you speak to yourself, using your name together with “you” instead of “I” does make a difference. A big difference. Silently using your own name and referring to yourself in the second or third person creates emotional distance. Emotional distance makes you feel like you are talking to another person rather than yourself and can enhance your performance in stressful situations, as well as improve first impressions with others.

Researcher Dr. Ethan Kross found that when people speak to themselves this way, it helps them quickly calm down and think more wisely. Consider when a friend asks you about a challenging situation. Often it is relatively easy to see the problem and offer your friend support, this is due to emotional distance. When it comes to seeing our own challenging situations, not so much. Emotionally distanced self-talk changes our perspective which reduces emotional activity in the brain and allows us to stay calm and tap into our inherent wisdom.

Further research has indicated that a high usage of “I” talk leads to an increase in negative emotions, so much so that one study of medical records showed that the frequency with which a person used “I” in their Facebook posts increased the incidence of future depression.

The next time you are stressed or overwhelmed, flip the script and silently coach yourself with your name or “you” to enhance your resilience. You can do this! You have overcome challenges in the past and you will overcome this challenge, too.

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Citation:

Kross, E. (2021). Chatter: The voice in our head, why it matters, and how to harness it. Crown.