Don’t Believe Everything You Think. Words Can Hold You Back.

Thoughts can really get in the way of going for it in life. Have you ever had the thought “I should apply for that promotion, ask that person out, start my own business” (or enter any other potentially motivating thought) only to have it dashed by another (usually automatic & negative) thought such as “I can’t do that?”

Often we believe and act on our thoughts without even considering if doing so is in our best interest. Today I am going to show you a way to insert a little space between the thought and your reaction, so that you can objectively determine the best course of action for you.

This technique comes from ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy). First, recognize that you are having a defeating thought. We all have our greatest hits list, so pick any one. My usual go-tos include “I can’t do that or I’ll embarrass myself.” For this example, we will use “I can’t do that,” since this is a common phrase I hear when working with clients.

As soon as you hear yourself saying “I can’t do that” pause and insert the phrase “I’m having the thought I can’t do that.” Next, try adding “I notice I am having the thought I can’t do that. Very often this gives us some separation between ourselves and the thought, and we recognize that we don’t have to listen to it, believe it, or act on it—we are simply observing our thinking process from the perspective of an observer. Doing so frees us up to respond to the thought in the most helpful way, rather than just reacting automatically, which may or may not be in our best interest.

In ACT we don’t try to change our thoughts—we change our relationship to our thoughts. We can’t control what pops up in our mind at any given time, but we certainly can control how we respond to those thoughts.

Pro tip… this works for thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations, and urges. Give it a try!

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Citation:

Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.